Never knew would come the day,
Never knew would come the day,
Hey hey...
Played ball today. Felt pretty good. Got me all pumped full of fun loving endorphins for awhile.
Damn... why do i whine so much eh? Feel like bloody Simple Plan with all their freaking im so sad songs...
Honestly I don't know which way to go anymore.
"And all the roads we have to walk are winding, and all the lights that light the way are blinding..." Oasis
I manufacture all these frickin asinine rambling to do what? To convince myself... that theres a reason for everything. Thats been my mantra forever. I used to give it out as addvice to sad eyed friends. That if u try hard enough, yknow, you'll just see everything makes sense, even if it isn't obvious at first. Thats right I use all these theories as, lame ass excuses. Why this, why that? Yknow what maybe sometimes they're isnt a reason. Maybe sometimes things just are the way they are because by miracle or accident they fell into place just the way they are. Does it matter what you do? Does it matter? Does it matter if you fuck up? Does it matter if you don't? What matters to you, matters, thats it. Screw whoever else gets in the way. Fine, feeling kind hearted one day. Act it out. Be an avataresque angelic samaritany goodie goodie gumdrop, rainbows flying in the sky kinda guy, go ahead, give the wounded world some love. Tomorrow... who knows?
Yeah these are my moods. It all just doesn't add up. I've lost all satisfaction for... well take these guys words, he was famous, for a few months when he was dying of Lou Gehrig's disease. Yeap that got him all the attention in the states. I read this one from Mitch Alboms book. I might be paraphasing a bit.
"Have you been as human as you can be today?" Morrie Schwartz
Bull.
This guys fantastic... He's got a ton of aphorism for making life worthwhile.
"Everything that gets born dies.The best way to deal with that is to live in a fully conscious, compassionate, loving way.... Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to recognize that this is the only way to live."
Perfect, echoes what I've felt and testified many times over. I've always said I dont want to wake up old toothless and itching to get to my life. Thatd be just sad.
But yknow, I've realised. I'm totally uninspired. I don't want anything in life other than enough to live, and be happy.
Happy? What is that?
I think I've had it too good. I need lifes harsher miseries to put me into candid perspective of what could be... Maybe then I'll find that talked about joy of the simpler things in life... Who knows? Maybe I'm just screwed up off hormones.
Yknow, there was a time not so long ago when cakes would make me indescribably happy. Just cakes.
The time when I would smile just because...
But its been lemme count.. one, two years since the last time that happened...
Not so far off now that I think of it, still seems like eternity to me. Gawd, I can't believe I'm pining about this #$%^^&... Maybe I won't post this... Ah.. who am i kidding? I love to share my crap.
LoL and the people who wrote comments about The Cross and all, and oh the singles advert, well I don't know if u mean well or if you were being condescending but please go away, your not helping.
Yeah... I'm feeling sorry for myself. Yeah... I have no reason to.
But yeah.
I am what I am.
Why did it leave?
I tried to find it. And in that journey I lost myself. Too many compromises. Now I'm just another sorry lil adolescent whining for the world to understand.
I wish I knew what to do.
Bow my head in prayer? Doesn't seem to work anymore. Maybe I need to figure this one out for myself.
Gnite.
Go Away.
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6 comments:
mb you're right..sometimes life is freakin' f***ed up and sometimes all you wanna do is just be happy; in no matter what you do, just be happy..but what's happiness? it seems so fleeting at times that you just wanna grasp at those moments and stay there..but you know what? everything happens for for a reason. u probably didn't want to hear that but as corny or as naive as me sound, it's true. sometimes you don't have to try too hard to see the reason coz if you do, the reason actually avoids you..granted that sometimes it's too darn hard to see where everything in life's leading..but there's still a reason..only that our brains are too small to figure it out 0.o.. there are times that i'm made to feel that maybe no matter i had done, the outcome would have been the same..but would we know that? no we don't. we unfortunately don't have the privilege to say "cut!!" where we want to and reenact everything..or choose what scenes we want played..that's why i have this belief that there are different paths for us to take. the catch is that everything in the different paths has been set..you get to choose the path but not the events that might/would happen..my notion may be silly but that's what been keeping me sane til now.. maybe in life we go thru all these silly moments where self-pity just reigns the day. you wonder what's the point in everything, what's the point of being a good person? no one would know would they? and even if they did, would they even care?
maybe we should just chill and let life pass before our eyes, savouring every moment, every leaf or raindrop without all the "whys" plaguing our minds. mb it would help if we picture others going thru worse times/things..helps put things in our lives in perspective..mb we just need to stop asking "why" and learn to appreciate what's there..
anyway, i don't know if i've helped or made things worse. if i've done the latter, my apologies..
believe in yourself mate. there's lots of good in you.
Cheers.
Thanks guy. ;) U did help.
Yknow... you sound a lot like my brother.
Cheers
hey clay,
nice background musice u've got. it'd be better if u were to put a recorded song by u instead. cool ey?
-cinderella-
typo. ignore that e.
dear clay,
just to let you know...
i'm not a male.
;)
guess it sounds all so musculine huh?
;)
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