Walking Dead

I know I said I wouldn't post anymore, but here I am...

I didn't sleep last night... Maybe that’s why I'm feeling so whacked up right now. Y'know what I went and did? I dug up olde emails... What ever for y'say? Your guess is as good mine. I'm done trying to find explanations to all the mindless things I've done...

Over the past year I've done more than I've ever had to undermine my very own principles. I've always believed in doing the right thing. Well as right as we lowly men can get it... These past few... months...? Well months don’t really describe it... You've noticed how deceptive time’s passage can be right? So in one view it seems like forever... But really I guess it’s less than a year... but its been building up... Anyway... Somewhere along this windy road I've lost me faith in, and strength to do the right thing. I just... I can't be bothered anymore... Why? Hah I know why... But it’s honestly too pathetic to admit to the online public. ;) So I'll just keep my shred of dignity and that lil piece of information to meself aye?

There is a point in all this... I just can't see it anymore...

LoL... Yknow.. When I had a job.. I hardly worked, but it kept me occupied enough to feel content. Is that the secret to life? To apply yourself to... whatever so that you've felt like you've achieved something? Cause if it is its anti-fricking-climactic; not in that way, at the least and... terribly bereft of meaning.

Would be that all children play and foretell for themselves futures of destiny, that when the child becomes grown the life of the mundane gives him satisfaction. Irony be you name.

Would I be satisfied as a cog in the irresistible machinery of humankind? Would I dare shape myself differently, selfishly for my own soul and not the good of the flock? Would that be true evil?

What is more important? The development of self? Or the evolution of the whole or the race?

Individualism? Renaissance anyone?

Yknow what? For a moment I was thinking, yea well... if you improve yourself... hows that not good for the human race?

Well, that all comes back down to whats good? Improvements implies better. So right off the bat what is good? What is an improvement?

If you had one wish; one very potent but yet limited wish what would it be? Would it be for yourself? Would it be for someone else? Would you go so far as to wish for all? Would the wish be enough? What if the wish was a century in length; in which half you are hardly aware of what you can do with it?

We all have one wish... What’re you going to do with yours?

Why did I dig up old emails?

Lacks conviction? Yeah... I know...

G'Bye