Checkmate

I played chess yesterday. It's been awhile. Used to like that game. How you had to think before every move you made. How you had to predict where the consequences to your moves would take you. How you had to adapt to the situations that your pieces were in. How there were virtually endless possibilities, and an equally remarkable number of endings. How you decided the fate of your unquestioning troops. Even if it be to sacrifice themselves for your victory. ;) heheh... Almost sadistic no?

But seriously. This is gonna sound geeky, but chess kinda puts life in a kinda detached perspective for me. I mean it bears such an obvious resemblance to life. The choices we make today spark ramifications of our tomorrows. Every step we take could potentially lead to a checkmate, either for us, or against us. In chess we play against a single opponent. Though the positions be virtually infinite, the rules that govern play are rigid, constant and known by players at both ends of the board. In life there are no rules to speak of, except the ones we bind unto ourselves. This is not to say that limitations are necessarily malignant or oppresive, since an individual or society without certain set boundaries are prey to anarchy and therefore total chaos. Some rules are canons set by expectations of the society. In this day and age however most are beliefs we have taken to heart and adhere to because we believe them just. So just how do you play a game that has no manual. How do you suceed in a game that has no arbitrary point where you simply can jump up and say "I kick all y'all a#$es," or maybe just "I win."

I believe that all you can really do is move one piece at a time; searching as far ahead into the future as you can. Look at where your actions will bring you, look at what your actions will mold you into. Is that where you want ta be? Is that who you want to be? In life we play against no one and everyone at the same time. Imagine an enormous chessboard that is exactly the same size as this fair globe of blue and green we live on. Imagine millions, billions of players at each side of the indiscernably vast playing board, everyone moving their pieces simultaneously, some with many pieces, some with only one, every players sending fluxes that influence every other point in the game at every move.

"A pebble in the pond," Terry Goodkind.

Ripples in a pool. Algae and moss awakened from lazy loafing, only to float gently in the slight waves formed in the wake of the sinking catalyst.

It's one of the reasons why I try so hard every step I take. The enormity of it is staggering. Every word you say, every unthinking act you perform could and does affect people around you. I know I fail over and over again, but not for lack of trying. It is hard to conquer vices that reside within your very self. When I stand before the flaming gates to paradise I will say with a clear conscience that I have given my all to do what I believe was right. I may have trangressed, but I remain but human. The road I had paved might've led to disaster, but every tile was laid with good intent. Who was it that said that the end justifies the means? I think it more true that the means justifies the end. Maybe it is an overly idealistic notion, but hey, why not feel good about something while you can. They have always said ignorance is bliss. I revel in the precious innocence still left to me while I can. The world may be a ugly place, but I believe that for every unspeakable horror there is beauty to match and annul it; to balance it.

The world though from some windows appear uniformly gray, possesses all the shades of the rainbow and more. Look and you shall find. Its in the old saying that every cloud has a silver lining. Clouds merely conceal the sun for fleeting moments.

It may not be a good philosophy but when I play chess, I don't always aim to win. What I do aim for is to learn and grow with every step of the game. You can only do your best. You can only give what you've got. The man dying of thirst cannot make it so water springs from the hot sands of the desert by his will, however much iron is in it, alone. I cannot reach what is beyond me. What I can do is lengthen my limits so that when the next time rolls around, the desert will flood.

You can only achieve that which is in your ability. Your ability that is potentially boundless. Strive to be all you can be so that you may reach out and grasp your dreams however intangible they may seem.

Be who you want to be.

If you cannot go to the moon, then make the moon come to you.

I have faith in myself, and in the fact that God loves me. ;)

But then who doesn't.

G'nite. ;)